Or, at least, less.
The problem, however, is that, as usual, once I'm out of the mood swing, I ignore it. At my lesson today, for example. I had a very normal lesson. Actually, it was a pretty good lesson. We worked on a not-Prelude Bach. (I like the 4th suite prelude -- when other people play it.) It seems that I was supposed to be working on the whole suite, so it's a good thing that I was messing around with the other movements a bit. And we talked about skirts. What we did not talk about were things like my not-really-wanting-to-come-back-here-
ness, my practicing issues, my anxiety issues as they relate to playing cello, and so on. Because I didn't want to suddenly announce, "oh, and by the way, I've been in an almost continual state of tears for the past four days, to the point where I wasn't sure if I would be able to finish the semester, but it seems to be in remission right now" while we were talking about bow speed.
The quartet gave a concert today. Beethovern Op 18. no 4 and Schubert Last String Quartet. The Beethoven I knew, but the Schubert was new to me, and incredible! I want to play it, particularly for the Andante (which = giant cello romantic melodic solo). For a quartet in G major, it sure spend a lot of time in minor keys. The second movement was basically e minor (although it had a
* major ending), the third I'm pretty sure was b minor (which I guess makes sort of sense as its the relative minor of the dominant), and the last flirted with minor right up until the end, too. Not that I mind. I like minor. There was also a modern quartet. I didn't like it so much. Actually, I almost fell asleep during it. I tend to do that in very modern, harmonically uncomprehensible stuff. This surprises most people: "how can you fall asleep during something so dissonent?" But really, when there's no nice melody to listen for, or an interesting harmony to follow, or just a good piece, I guess I get bored. The best in-concert nap I ever had was during a horrible electronic cello and tape recorder duet at a UA recital, once.
*there I go again…
I do have something towards my essay, now, which is good, and I'm not worrying. I think I'm going to need to cite Augustine (sadly, not on peacocks but on demons), which makes me quite happy. And it isn't a gratuitous citation, either. I need him on the Roman gods as demons in order to make one of my points. Of course, Thomas Aquinas would probably be better, as Dante is more into Scholasticism, I think, and I have an idea that Scholasticism sort of replaced Augustine on several points. However, I haven't read Aquinas, and I don't think that he would contradict on this particular point. Besides, Petrarca, who postdates Dante, is quite into Augustine, so I'm sure I'm going to be fine. (Of course, the lazy being tht I am, I haven't actually looked up the passage I need, but I can do that this week: the essay isn't due until the 17th).
I've been thinking about writing in general, recently. Or, not in general, but in particular. A little while ago, I made a thouroughly unsubstantiated generalization on thynk2much
's journal about the high proportion of slash writers who are female. Now I'm going to make a whole bunch more such generalizations.
From my very limited vantage point, I'm going to go one step farther, and say that this is not just slash, but a lot of the "amateur" writing out there, particularly fanfiction of one kind or another, that is done by women and girls. If this is true, it wouldn't be an anomaly of the internet. In middle school, I was a hanger-on of sorts to that sub-clique of Girls Who Wrote, and carried around 3-ring binders with their novels in them. Granted, in high school, there were a few guys who did the same, and now, in college, I have absolutely no idea what the ratios are in the writing program (adjusted for the female slanting population).
But it goes back even farther than that. Girls are supposed
to write. In particular, they are supposed
to write not very good, Mary Sue-ish sorts of things. (Which implies that all of this kind of "amateur" writing is not very good and Mary Sue-ish, which it absolutely isn't. But a lot of what I have come into contact with tends to be.)
Anne Shirley, of Anne of Green Gables, founded the "Story Club," where she and her friends wrote purple prose about the tragic loves and lives of grand society ladies. In Anne of the Island
, and older and wiser Anne finds some of her old stories and has 'good laugh' at them.
Francie Nolan, of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
writes, some good, some bad.
Jerusha Abbot, of Dear Daddy Longlegs
is sent to college because of her talent for writing, and goes through the ups and downs of composition and rejection several times over the course of the novel.
Emily [of New Moon] (also an LM Montgomery heroine) fancies herself a poet.St. Nicholas Magazine
ran many short, didactic stories about girls and their attempts at novel-writing, most of which gently pointed out the failings most often run into by budding female writers.
Sarah Crewe tells stories, which is not quite the same as writing them, I suppose.
To be a little more modern, Mia Thermopolis of Princess Diaries
also has plans to be a writer, although, strangely, we are never given evidence of her actually writing anything other than her journal.
Jo, of Little Women
is a writer.
The obvious argument to be made is that many of these works I've cited are autobiographical; it's probably true. We also read that the Brontë sisters made up all kinds of fairy stories, complete with their own language; we have some of the "juvenalia" of Jane Austen. But we never hear about this with male authors. Charles Dickens was busy putting labels on to bottls of stove-blacking; did Tolstoy scribble stories while at school? Poetry, yes. That is to say that male poets sometimes have shown themselves young, not that Tolstoy write poety while at school. He may have; I don't know. Actually, I don't know what I'm talking about in a big way. I'll stop, now.
Oh, and I was kind of joking about the no one commenting well. Well, no, I wasn't joking, exactly, but I wasn't trying to say "you should comment on the random things I post and I'll be upset if you don't" either.