Have been reading back through Natty's lj -- to which he recently added me as a friend. (Thank you, Natty.) I'm depressed, now. I want to be home, with a life that I can control. I do not want to be facing all this uncertainty: whether I'll make orchestra, whether I'll get the classes I want, whether I'll be able to handle any of it.
16 credits is a standard load. That's four classes. There's a required Seminar class, and I want to take Music Theory and Latin. That's 12 credits. Then lessons and orchestra, which are two each, make 16. But that seems like a wimpy, underachieving load. Maybe I should add another class: English Lit I (Medieval and Renaissance lit) or The Heroic Age (early Germanic myths and legends) or Advanced French. But then that might be more than I can handle, because I have to practice a couple hours a day, too. And nothing is close on this campus. It takes me 10 minutes to get just about anywhere from my dorm room. And I'm already looking at (if I get into orchestra) schlepping my cello case to FYSEM Symposium and thence to orchestra once a week, after which I will be hauling it back to my dorm room around 10:30 PM. In the middle of winter. Yay.
I've always obsessed about time. I need time to relax. This week, I've been making a sandwich at breakfast, which I can eat on the way to my dorm from L&T. Then I can get 45 minutes of practicing in during lunch, and, if I don't have too much homework, another hour immedieately after the afternoon class. And this isn't even the school year, yet. During the half-hour morning break, I check my mail. And if I have a book to read and an essay to write, and a bunch of vocabulary to learn, and serious practicing, I'm going to go nuts. I'm going to either burn myself out or go crazy, or do badly in everything. What to do? I need to go to bed. It's 10:00. Time to go to bed.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
