you brought it on yourself miss twiddle

This is all William Kristol's fault.

I am the very model of a modern neo-Victorian:
I live by character alone although it's dinosaurian.
I quote from poems of Henley and from ballads inspirational,
And stand out brave and manly in elections post-castrational.
A cowboy and a gentleman, I vote my mind and mine alone,
Except when party loyalty calls and Presidents get on the phone.
I've fought a war, been captured, tortured: I can tell you it's no fun:
From my experience I can say: don't torture and don't cut and run.
I don't believe in subtlety; straight-talk alone is chivalrous.
I scorn the tradesman's studies of economies and stimulus.
I'm due to win becaus I'm strong in matters militarian,
Being the very model of a modern neo-Victorian!