(no subject)

[ricardienne]

Euripides' Suppliants is bizarre. One the one hand, it just oozes "Written during the Pelopennesian War," but it also has utterly random bits. It goes like this:

Adrastus: So, um, I helped these guys lead this expedition against Thebes, and it failed. And they won't even give us the bodies back. Will you make them?

Theseus: You mean some random people showed up on your doorstep, asking for an army, and you just gave it to them?

Adrastus: Actually, I gave them my daughters in marriage. Then an army.

Theseus: *facepalm* But you at least made sure the omens were favorable, didn't you.

Adrastus: well...we sort of ignored the fact that they weren't.

Theseus: look, if you were that dumb, this is all your own fault. Sorry, but I'm not getting involved.

Theseus' Mother: But dear, this is a Human Rights Issue. And we Athenians have such a good record on human rights issues...

Theseus: oh all right. Well I'll just send a herald over to Thebes to demand the bodies back, shall I? Oh look, here comes a Theban herald right now. Maybe I can get him to take the message.

Herald: Where is the king of the Athenians?

Theseus: Sorry, mister: this is Athens. Athenians have no king; Athenians need no king! Because we're... A DEMOCRACY. Not like you slaves and your tyrants.

Herald: oh, you mean a place any old demagogue can get hoi dumb polloi to vote him anything he wants? No thanks.

Theseus: fascist!

Herald: pinko!

Theseus: Look, are you going to do your job and deliver your message or what?

Herald: Creon, the King of Thebes, wants you to kick out Adrastus and the Chorus.

Theseus: no one orders the Athenians around -- this means war!

*they go off to war*

Theseus: all right then, Adrastus, I've got your bodies. I was thinking, maybe one big pyre for them all, except for the one who got blasted by the lightning bolt, because he's obviously special.

Adrastus: sounds good. Should we get the Chorus to help us?

Theseus: are you out of your mind? Make those poor mothers schlep their sons' bodies around? I'll just hand them the urns when we're all done.

Adrastus: oh right.

Theseus: so, not to pry or anything, but is there a reason you guys didn't go to Sparta first? It's kind of on the way...

Adrastus: oh, you know, the Spartans are so mean and cruel and sneaky...

Evadne: oh hi, I'm looking for my husband; he got struck by a lightning bolt...

Chorus: oh poor dear.

Evadne: I was thinking I would jump onto his pyre and burn up with him. Maybe if I climb in this rock and then jump off.

Evadne's Father: I'm looking for my daughter; she seems to have wandered off.

Evadne: Hi, Dad! You're just in time to watch me kill myself.

Everyone: no don't do it!

Evadne: *splat*

Everyone: woe.

Theseus: So, okay, does everyone have their urn?

Athena: wait wait, you aren't just going to _give_ them their sons' ashes?

Theseus: err, yes?

Athena: no no no. Make them swear an oath always to be loyal to Athens, first, you idiot.

Theseus: oh, all right.

Chorus: just swear the damn oath, Adrastus. We want to go home.