you brought it on yourself miss twiddle

Euripides' Suppliants is bizarre. One the one hand, it just oozes "Written during the Pelopennesian War," but it also has utterly random bits. It goes like this:

Adrastus: So, um, I helped these guys lead this expedition against Thebes, and it failed. And they won't even give us the bodies back. Will you make them?

Theseus: You mean some random people showed up on your doorstep, asking for an army, and you just gave it to them?

Adrastus: Actually, I gave them my daughters in marriage. Then an army.

Theseus: *facepalm* But you at least made sure the omens were favorable, didn't you.

Adrastus: well...we sort of ignored the fact that they weren't.

Theseus: look, if you were that dumb, this is all your own fault. Sorry, but I'm not getting involved.

Theseus' Mother: But dear, this is a Human Rights Issue. And we Athenians have such a good record on human rights issues...

Theseus: oh all right. Well I'll just send a herald over to Thebes to demand the bodies back, shall I? Oh look, here comes a Theban herald right now. Maybe I can get him to take the message.

Herald: Where is the king of the Athenians?

Theseus: Sorry, mister: this is Athens. Athenians have no king; Athenians need no king! Because we're... A DEMOCRACY. Not like you slaves and your tyrants.

Herald: oh, you mean a place any old demagogue can get hoi dumb polloi to vote him anything he wants? No thanks.

Theseus: fascist!

Herald: pinko!

Theseus: Look, are you going to do your job and deliver your message or what?

Herald: Creon, the King of Thebes, wants you to kick out Adrastus and the Chorus.

Theseus: no one orders the Athenians around -- this means war!

*they go off to war*

Theseus: all right then, Adrastus, I've got your bodies. I was thinking, maybe one big pyre for them all, except for the one who got blasted by the lightning bolt, because he's obviously special.

Adrastus: sounds good. Should we get the Chorus to help us?

Theseus: are you out of your mind? Make those poor mothers schlep their sons' bodies around? I'll just hand them the urns when we're all done.

Adrastus: oh right.

Theseus: so, not to pry or anything, but is there a reason you guys didn't go to Sparta first? It's kind of on the way...

Adrastus: oh, you know, the Spartans are so mean and cruel and sneaky...

Evadne: oh hi, I'm looking for my husband; he got struck by a lightning bolt...

Chorus: oh poor dear.

Evadne: I was thinking I would jump onto his pyre and burn up with him. Maybe if I climb in this rock and then jump off.

Evadne's Father: I'm looking for my daughter; she seems to have wandered off.

Evadne: Hi, Dad! You're just in time to watch me kill myself.

Everyone: no don't do it!

Evadne: *splat*

Everyone: woe.

Theseus: So, okay, does everyone have their urn?

Athena: wait wait, you aren't just going to _give_ them their sons' ashes?

Theseus: err, yes?

Athena: no no no. Make them swear an oath always to be loyal to Athens, first, you idiot.

Theseus: oh, all right.

Chorus: just swear the damn oath, Adrastus. We want to go home.